Super-heroes in Tights

Just a couple of thoughts about the evolution of Superman, otherwise known as The Big Blue Boy Scout, over the years.  He's always been one of my favorite super-heroes, right up there with Batman (although it could be argued that The Bat isn't a super-hero).  But, Supes' powers have gone up and down since his origin.

 

He started out where he could stop a bullet, but probably not a mortar shell. He could run faster than a freight train, and do the whole “… leap tall buildings…” thing, but he couldn’t fly. Then, later, he could fly. But, now he’s allergic to kryptonite (must be bad, being allergic to a chunk of your home planet).

At one time, he could move planets and fly through time.  Then, he couldn’t.

 

Oh, yeah, he's also been dead, then came back with Fabio hair.  Wonder what's next?

 

That's all I've got for now.  'til next time... Adios.

Like Father, Like Son?

It's just amazing what hits the cutting room floor of some movies.  Take a look at this from one of the Star Wars films:

“Luke… I am your father.”

“Noooo! It can’t be true!.... Well, then, Dad, can I borrow the keys to the family spaceship?”

“What? No… You don’t get it. We’re going to rule the galaxy together.”

“Rule the galaxy? You never even played catch with me.”

“Uh, sorry, son, I was busy, with… work. Yes, that’s it. Work.”

“Sure, keep talking, old man. I know what kind of work.”

“No, really, I was. I was trying to find you and your sister.”

“Yeah, yeah. Oh, and hey, my sister’s pretty hot and all, and I don’t think she knows she’s my sister, so, I was thinking…”

“What? Whoa! Luke, now, that’s just weird. She’s your sister, for Yoda’s sake.”

“That’s weird? Hey, look who’s talking, Mr. All-Dressed-in-Black. And, that helmet. I mean, come on, Dad. And, besides, you tried to kill us.”

“Oh, yeah…. Um, about that. You know, things were really weird back then with the Emperor and all. And, what’s wrong with my helmet?”

“It looks stupid. If I move back in with you, I can’t have any friends over, not with you looking like that and all. And, this thing with the Emperor. You and he aren’t, I mean, you’re not, uh…?”

“What? Whoa! No way, I mean, no, I’m not gay, and even if I was, it sure wouldn’t be with him. Oh, gross, son, he’s all wrinkly and ugly, and, well, he’s got that laugh. I hate that laugh.”

“Okay, so, can I move in, then, Dad?”

“Well, okay, I guess that would be okay. But, you’re going to have to get a job.”

“Hey, I’m a Jedi!”

“Huh! Like that pays the bills. Let me tell you…”

“Uh, Dad, can it wait? I’ve sort of got this problem here. I mean, you did just cut off my hand.”

“Oh, sure, sorry, son. Let’s get you patched up.”

“And, we’re gonna have to work on your outfit, Dad. The black’s cool, but the helmet, I don’t know. And the cape? Gotta go. Oh, and can I have a party tonight?”

“Aw, jeez…”

No Laughing Matter

What to say of The Man Who Laughs (1928)? I suppose I wasn’t eager to watch it at first. Wasn’t really sure how disfigured he (Conrad Veidt’s character, Gwynplaine) would be. It just didn’t fit my idea of a horror film. And, even though what I now consider a horror film has expanded since our band of horror warrior first united over four years ago, I need to refine and redefine it further.

I don’t necessarily want to harp on many current so-called horror movies. Several of these I would term splatter or gross-out films.  But, there are some fine modern horror movies out there, and not just from the U.S. But, what we once thought of as a horror film has changed.

One possible definition of horror is 'repulsive'. So, In The Man Who Laughs, Gwynplaine’s disfigured face might be considered repulsive or horrifying to some, although most often in the film the reaction of the other characters was laughter. For myself, the horrifying part of the film concerned that which was done to Gwynplaine.

Okay, enough philosophizing.

When The Man Who Laughs came out we were closing in on the tail end of the German Expressionist era. The film hit theaters during the transition from silent films to “talkies”, and the first feature-length talkie (The Jazz Singer) was released just six months earlier. The Man Who Laughs had sound effects and music, but no dialogue. And, I think, it’s perfect the way it is. I’m not so sure that it wouldn’t have taken something away by having the actors speak.

I felt great sympathy for Gwynplaine. The story begins with Gwynplaine as a small boy, the prince, a victim of political betrayal and maneuverings he had no part in. Surgically disfigured with a permanent grin, rather than horrified, tears stung my eyes as I watched him in his early years, an outcast, trying to survive. Then we see his gentle nature as he rescues an orphan girl. This is no monster. He is the victim. Those who did this to him are the monsters.

Our story picks up years later. Gwynplaine and Dea, the girl he saved (who is blind), have an adopted father who loves them. All perform in the old man’s travelling circus, where Gwynplaine is accepted among the other performers.

I loved this movie, primarily due to Conrad Veidt’s ability to show so much emotion with only his eyes. And, then, the storyline, too, was wonderfully interwoven. I read that the ending of the movie differs from that of Victor Hugo’s book, but I enjoyed the film so much I’m not sure I’ll read the book. This is a genre-less movie, primarily because the story encompasses everything from adventure to melodrama, political intrigue to love story. And, we have a truly memorable character in Gwynplaine.

Ah, I have so much more to tell of this great film, but I've run out of time for the evening.  I shall pick back up tomorrow.

 

'til next time... Adios.

Duck and... What?

Taking a blast back to the past, and recalling an old motto from the early Atomic Daze, how's about the term "Duck and Cover"?  Anyone remember that one?  Referring to what we're supposed to do if we see one of those Red Balloons, to borrow from an 80's song by Nina.  The Big One.  Mushroom Cloud.

Got to thinking about it in honor of this being 2012 and all, and there won't be a 3013, according to the Mayans.  Ah, those pranksters.  They never told us they just ran out of paper for the calendar.  Oh, well.

So, how many different disasters, real and imagined, have we had to “duck and cover” or “stop, drop, and roll” to over the years? Right now we have the Great Central U.S. ShakeOut, in preparation for the Shake and Quake that’s supposed to happen here smack dab in the middle of the good ol’ US, thanks to the New Madrid Fault. And, the motto for this one is “drop, cover, and hold on”. So, now I’m all confused. Now I have to remember which one of the disasters it is we’re having. For an atomic attack when they deliver some ordinance to us, we do the “duck and cover”. But, if there’s a fire I have to “stop, drop, and roll”.

Okay, so what happens if I get mixed up, and there’s a fire, but I’m thinking it’s an atomic attack. And all I remember is something about ducking and stopping. Or maybe I stop and duck. What then? Or, say I get really confused and I remember it as “step on a duck” and there aren’t any ducks handy. And, besides, I don’t want to step on any ducks, anyway. No, I can most assuredly say that I will not step on any ducks.

So, there I am. No ducks around to step on and I’m not gonna step on them, anyway.

We’ve got nuclear blasts, fire, and earthquakes covered, but what about the others? You know, like tornadoes, floods, lava flows, Beanie Baby attacks, fire sales, Black Friday, Red Thursday, and whatever other Big Bad Things head our way.

 

At any rate, I think we should all just "Party Like It's 1999", referring to that 80's song by the musician with no name.

 

'til next time... Adios.

Attack of the Clowns

Here's a little review I did a few years back.  Actually, more of a parody of Star Wars II:

Once upon a time there was an angry young man named Mannequin Starstomper
Mannequin had a lot of little critters inside him called Mighty-Chlorines.
These little critters made him very strong in the Farce. His wise and noble
teacher, Ooby-Dooby Kenooby, who was a powerful Popeye warrior, instructed
him in the ways of the Farce, He also told him, "Now, pay attention, my
young Paddywack learner," and showed him how to use the Farce to make fruit
float in the air.

Now, this young man was in love with a senator named Rama-lama. Rama-lama
loved him, too, but because of some bad directing from a very powerful yet
misguided Popeye warrior by the name of Forge Tookus, they were unable to
express their love for one another.

This made the young Mannequin very angry and he had a tantrum. Then he
found out that his Mom was kidnapped by Toucan Raiders and he went to rescue
her, but she died just as he freed her, and then he was REALLY angry because
she got out of the movie but he had to stay in it.

So, young Mannequin went Neanderthal and did a Vega-matic on the Toucan
village. That was the Dark side of the Farce at work.

Well, actually, he didn't stay with the Dark side very long, but he couldn't
quite go back to the Light side, either, so he was just kind of hanging out
in the Tan side of the Farce.

Now, while Rama-lama and Mannequin were trying not to get their
Mighty-Chlorines mixed up with their hormones, Ooby-Dooby Kenooby was
tracking down a bounty hunter named Bo Jangles Fett. Bo Jangles was having
clowns made of himself. These clowns were being bought and paid for with
government money by the strange and mysterious Count Dracula, except he
didn't have his fangs anymore as he had become very old. All he could do
was shuffle his feet across the carpet and shock people.

So, anyway, Count Dracula, who is actually a student of a really nasty dark
lord named Barf Ridiculous, is going to fight the Popeye warriors with his
clowns. But, a very powerful and tiny Popeye named Yodel, takes control of
the clowns and Count Dracula has to fight with a bunch of leftover Druids
from the last movie. Lots of body parts got cut off, but there was no
blood, as this is a PG movie (which means Pretty Good, but I think something
bad happened.).

Count Dracula runs away and Ooby-Dooby and Mannequin chase after him and get
in a fight with the evil Count Dracula. Count Dracula beats them up and
cuts off Mannequin's arm, but there's still no blood. Then, Yodel walks in
and says, "Draw, you will, evil Count Dracula," and Yodel proceeds to get
all John Wayne and everything, and we find out that Count Dracula was once
Yodel's Paddywack learner.

So, then, Yodel turns into a little green Tasmanian devil and he and Count
Dracula use their flashlights against each other, but Count Dracula escapes
because in order to kill a vampire you really need to use a wooden stake.
But, that's okay, because young Mannequin and Rama-lama get hitched after
Mannequin gets a new hand and everyone made a lot of money using the Farce,
especially Forge Tookus.

The End. Kind of.

'til next time... Adios.  And, may the Farce be with you.

People Munchies

I suppose this must be people-munchie day on SyFy. Just had a movie called Beyond Loch Ness (2008) with characters named Zoe, Chad, and Brody. Oh, and the scientists in the film don't even get their own names. They're just called Scientist #1 and Scientist #2. Had a lot of CGI little Nessies and Big Bad Momma Nessies graphically chewing on folks.

Next up we have Snakehead Terror (2004) where a bunch of snakeheaded mutated fish (get it? That's where the title comes from) are also munching on us. Must also be where aging TV actors go, as Bruce Boxleitner (remember Bruce from The Scarecrow and Mrs. King, also Tron?) plays a Sheriff (there always seems to be a Sheriff or other type of Constable in these things) and William B. Davis (affectionately known as "Cancer Man" from the X-Files days) is ol' Doc Jenkins.

Later they had one of my personal favorites for wallpaper (sound down, stereo up), Dinocroc vs. Supergator. One thing's for sure. You sure don't want to be a sheriff in a small lakeside town. Lots of giant critters waitin' to eat you. Oh, and don't be in a tour group, especially if you're wearing Bermuda shorts. Those things are real style Nazis. Also, I had no idea that supergators gallop, just like horses. How about that?

Then came Lake Placid 2 -- a giant croc this time, no pun intended. Well, okay, maybe it was just a little bit intentional. John Schneider and Cloris Leachman go mano a croc-o with killer reptiles. Buckets o' blood and body parts. One thing I noticed, scanning through the cast and crew list, was Ivan Salnikov as the weapons guy for the film. Now, how cool would that be? The go-to person for weapons. Ivan could say, "Well, I think we need some electronic pulse cannons for this scene", and who would question him. Doesn't matter if they exist or not. This is sci-fi. You make 'em. And, just as I'm writing this, looks like Ivan concocted a giant pneumatic harpoon gun. Does one exist for real? Don't know, but it sure looks like fun.

Okay, enough of that. On to what's next. Coming up there's Lake Placid 3 (sure, why not?) with a lakeside cabin, a game warden this time (must be running out of sheriffs), and more crocs.

And, after that, there's Lake Placid: The Final Chapter. We got a new sheriff (game warden must've been eaten in #3), a poacher, and more crocs.

Well, that's about all I can stand for the day.

'til next time... Adios.

That’s Fronkensteen!

Of all the Mel Brooks movies I’ve seen, Young Frankenstein and Blazing Saddles are two of his best, and funniest. Last night our band of film fans saw Young Frankenstein on the big screen, and, for many of us it was the first time since it first came to life 38 years ago.

Yes, 38 years ago. Hard to imagine, but when I realize that several of the actors are no longer alive, and I see in the mirror that, yes indeedy, I’ve changed a little (okay, a lot), then I know it’s true. So, it was an extra special treat to see these actors re-animating such famous characters.

Since we just saw the 1931 Frankenstein and the 1935 Bride of Frankenstein last week, the storylines were quite familiar, and it was wonderful to watch how closely Young Frankenstein (“That’s Fronkensteen”) mirrored both films, blending the best of both into one of the best comedy-horror-musicals I’ve seen.

From Gene Wilder’s static-charged hair (which grew wilder – pun intended -- as the good doctor became increasingly manic) to his superbly over-the-top comic madnesses ("GIVE MY CREATION... LIFE!"), this Young Frankenstein captured the spirit of the originals.  Mr. Wilder seemed to channel all the mad scientists that ever graced the screen.

And, then, look at the firepower of the cast and crew – Mel Brooks at the helm, directing; Mel and Gene Wilder co-wrote the screenplay; Peter Boyle as the Creature (and, what he could do just with a roll of his eyes, comic genius); Cloris Leachman as Frau Blücher, whose mere mention of her name frightened the horses; Gene Hackman as the old blind man in the cabin; and, let’s not forget Marty Feldman as Igor (“That’s Eye-gor.”). The comic timing of everyone, the sets, and that sad-funny music, all blended to make a great tip-o-the-hat to all who went before.

What one thing can I say about Young Frankenstein? Peter Boyle. For everyone else’s terrific performances, Peter Boyle’s brought me the most smiles and laughs, and even a bit of strange sadness as the Creature, creating a great tragi-comic performance.

 

Hopefully, there will never be a remake.  I want to remember this one.  It's perfect as it is.

 

'til next time... Adios.