Dancing at the Apocalypse

Man, this whole end o’ th’ world thing is just way too much fun. Depending on what source I check out, they’ve all got a different spin. It involves everything from UFO’s and mountain hideaways to planetary and galactic alignment; the Winter Solstice and evil sorcerers; hot-air balloons and Jesus; solar storms and Planet Nibiru.

My take is that the Big Bang Part Deux will occur when they sell out of TV’s at Wal-Mart on December 24^th. All I know is I’m not sleeping for the next two days. Or one day and however-many-hours it is to the Big Show. And, if we make it past then, I’ll see you all at Wal-Mart. I’ll be the one hoarding the TV’s.

 

'til next time... Adios.

Random Brain Ooze

Just clearing out funk that's in all my brain crevices tonight.

Christmas Stuff

Okey dokey, we’ve got the A-pokka-lips comin’ on the 21^st, Christmas on the 25^th. What’s a person to do? Watch cheesy Christmas shows and movies, of course. And, so, here’s a raggedy, rampant run-down of what’s heading our way.

Tonight at midnight there’s Naughty or Nice (2012) on the Hallmark Channel. Hilarie Burton plays Krissy Kringle accidentally gets hold of Santa’s naughty/nice book, which is full of Christmas mojo, and uses the power to her advantage, by discovering who around her’s been bad. But, Krissy eventually learns her Christmas lesson and soon she’s on the Nice side of the Christmas Force.

Tomorrow at 2 PM on Lifetime (yup, The Burning Bed channel) we have The Christmas Blessing (2005), with Doogie Howser. Warning – extreme melodrama approaching. Neil Patrick Harris plays a doctor again in this unrelenting mass or raw emotions involving death on the operating table/going home/dead mom/people from his past/Dad/and, of course, Christmas. Don’t watch this one unless you’re up on your meds for the day.

Weather Channel Stuff

They're continuing with the winter storm naming thing. Now we have Winter Storm Draco. Why can't we have just a Winter Storm Fred or Wilma?

Word Annoyance Stuff

There's a whole lotta retro-fitting of words going on these days. It started a few years back with the new batch of Star Wars movies. First, in '77, there was Star Wars. That's it, just Star Wars. Nice and punchy.  Now, with the more recent entries, they went and renamed Star Wars to Star Wars IV: A New Hope.

Then, Star Trek. With all the various Treks that came out later they started calling Star Trek by the awkward moniker Classic Star Trek, or some such nonsense.

Once, we had stores. You know, places where you walked in and bought things. Now, there's "online stores". So, our old stores are now called brick-and-mortar stores. What if they're not made of brick-and-mortar?

And, mail. At one time it was just mail. Now, with e-mail, the paper form of mail is called snail mail, a dig at the fact that it's slower than e-mail. Slower, that is, unless your computer is busted, or phone lines down, or Internet fried....

Okay, done for now. Maybe I won't have mold on the brain after this cleaning out session.

'til next time... Adios.

Fun With the Apocalypse

Not much time left. I've been scoping out all my favorite web sites -- there's the countdown calendar site, http://www.worldend.org/2012/clock-countdown.html, and as of my last check, we've got a little over 2 days and 4 hours to go. So, I wouldn't sweat it too much if you haven't got all those presents bought yet or the decorations up. This site even has a cool picture of a Mayan pyramid.

And, if you go here, http://www.businessinsider.com/mayan-apocalypse-parties-in-new-york-city-2012-12, this site from Business Insider gives you the inside track on all the cool Disaster Blaster parties in the Big Apple.

Then, for some apocalyptical TV watching there's shows like Apocalipsis Maya on one of the Spanish language channels, one episode coming up at 9 tonight, the next one tomorrow at 9, just getting on the air before the Big Show. Now, on Friday at 10 PM there's The Mayan Apocalypse 2012, which seems a tad bit after the fact to me. Hmmm, what do the Spanish language networks know that we don't?

Next, we have Maya Underworld Real Doomsday (as opposed to all the doomsdays that weren't real) coming up at 10 tonight, something about underwater tombs and human sacrifices, yeah, yeah, yeah, same old thing.

Hey, here's a good one. Zombie Apocalypse at 10 tonight on the Discovery Channel. It's all about how to get ready for invading zombies. Hey, I know all about invading zombies. Just go out Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve and you'll see plenty. That is, if we make it through the next 2 days and.... a little less than 4 hours.

'til next time.... Adios.

Butt Dial Takes on a Whole New Meaning

Hold on… my body’s ringing. And, as we range further out into the weird world of tech, Nokia is bringing us vibrating tattoos … I don’t think Mr. Bell saw this down the road when he said, “Mr. Watson, come here. I need you.” But, as far as the next illogical step for where communications technology is taking us, I reckon it follows.

Yep, I'm sure folks will rush right out there to be the first to get hard-wired. Literally. The idea is to use a special tattoo ink with magnetic properties (first question -- if you're tattooed with magnetic ink, would you always walk either north or south?) and when you're receiving a call, a tiny impulse runs through you. It's gonna run through you, not me, 'cause I don't like phones, anyway, and I sure don't want a case of the jumpin' leg jitters every time the phone rings. Can you imagine telemarketers?

Supposedly, just like with regular ring tones, you could set it up so you perceive different impulses depending on who's calling you. Adds a new twist on phone sex, doesn't it? And, what happens during an electrical storm? And, how do you plug in accessories? Just asking.

Don't get me this for Christmas. Please.

'til next time... Adios.

Give the Gift of Technology

Let's take a quick look back at a few Christmas commercials from 1982. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial was trying to get back home, but he stayed around here long enough for us earthlings to make an Atari video game of the little fellow. Available for just $33.97.

For the audiophile, you couldn't beat a 4-pack of TDK cassette tapes for $6.96. Burning a CD? Not yet, unless you had a time machine.

Want to give the perfect gift to a budding computer programmer? Couldn't do better than the Commodore Vic 20. They could learn the BASIC programming language.

But, if you're wanting to give a gift of a cellular phone, you'd have to wait until 1989. That's when the brick came out by Centel.  Radio Shack had their version, too, for a mere $799.

 

Just think.  We've progressed over this 30 year span to using our thumbs for communication.

'til next time... Adios.

You Can Have Your Case and Eat it Too

And, as far as stupid tech tricks, here’s one for ya. Too busy texting and whatever-else-ing with your latest not-so-smart phone to grab a bite? There’s no need to fear, edible iPhone cases are here. Yup, and as Japan Trend Shop, the company that sells these tech-edible cases warns, not only could some settling occur with shipping, but your nifty eighty-one dollar phone munchies could arrive in your mailbox quite literally in pieces. No problem. This is one of the few (if not the only) times that you can eat the broken tech. Not only is it practical(?), it’s also nutritious, made from brown rice and salt. Not sure about the salt, though, if you’re watching your blood pressure. And, while I hate to be a naysayer, but I’ll go ahead and say nay, anyway. I’m just wondering what geographical section of Japan came from? You know, were there any former power plants nearby? Just a question.

'til next time... Adios.

You Aired What?

Some TV shows last and last. Some shouldn't. And, fortunately (or unfortunately), some barely make it out of the starting gate, dying after only one episode. Here's a short list:

Turn-On (February 5, 1969). This one I remember when it came out, but not much more. It was intended as a Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In variation, but it was just a little too out there and explicit.  Actually, it didn't even finish the entire episode before someone pulled the plug.  Gone.

Lawless (March 21, 1997). Some former athletes can make a go of TV and/or movies (think Alex Karras), and some can't. That was the case with former NFL linebacker Brian Bosworth when he played a private investigator in this one-hit not-so-wonder.

The Internet's a riot, right? Yeah, that's what ABC thought on December 8, 2000, when they unleashed Dot Comedy that featured humorous 'Net material. Some things should just stay at the office.

Told ya this would be a short list tonight.

'til next time... Adios.