Utter Randomness or Random Utterness

In Passing

We will miss you, Tony Nelson. That’s my favorite memory of Larry Hagman (1931 - 2012), as the harried yet lovable astronaut from his I Dream of Jeannie days. I was all about astronauts during that time (who wasn’t?), and absolutely loved the show. Now, I know there are plenty of Dallas fans out there, but for me, he was Major Anthony Nelson. Farewell, Mr. Hagman.

Words in the Media That Annoy Me

Pre-owned. As in a pre-owned car. What's that even mean? When did used car come to be a bad thing? If something was pre-owned, that means before anyone owned it. Before anyone owned the thing, it was pieces/parts. Not a car. Pre-owned needs to go.

Melty. As in melty cheese. On a cheeseburger. Now we've taken a perfectly useful word (melt), slapped a 'y' on the end, and we have an adjective that attempts to describe a cheeseburger's qualities. As though melty was a flavor. Or a special thing. No. If someone hasn't melted the cheese on the cheeseburger, it needs to be sent back from whence it came.

Okay, that's all the brain fragments I have for now.

'til next time... Adios.

That's All, Folks

Ya gotta love those crazy Mayans and their wacky calendars. Well, it seems that a new Mayan text has “… emerged” with some updates on this whole End o’ the World thing. First off, how did this so-called Mayan text just ‘emerge’? Man, talk about slow cell phone service. Ol’ Knick-Knack Paddywhack (for folks not up on this Mayan stuff, my highly-medicated research staff tells me that’s the name of their Head Honcho in charge of Calendar Making) just upgraded his service, sent a text to his bank that the expected date of when he’d pay off his mortgage on his new condo pyramid would be December 21, 2012. Supposedly, he said something like, “Oh, yeah? Well, you just try and move us out of there. We do human sacrifices, plus, we’ve got hot oil. And, yeah, we’ll pay off that stupid balloon mortgage. On December 21, 2012! Yeah, that’s it! That’s the date! December 21, 2012, or the end of the world! How do ya like that?

Yup, ol’ Mr. Paddywhack had quite a temper on him.

But, now, let's say you're all set for the Big Day, and it doesn't come? Hey, buck up, there, Sunshine. It's not like it's (bad pun alert!) the end of the world. You think other Last Day forecasts haven't come and gone before? Here's a coupla examples of Final Forecasts that never came to pass.

Gregory of Tours (wonder if he was a travel agent?) way back when hedged his bets by predicting the Big Finish between 799 and 806 A. D. And, he still got it wrong.

Preacher Harriet Livermore forecast the Grand Finale for 1843, then tried again for 1847. Sorry, Harriet, wrong both times.

Sheldon Nidle used his psychic powers and foresaw the Final Curtain on December 17th, 1996, due to angels and spaceships. Man, that one shoulda happened. Not just angels, but spaceships, too.

And, let's just say, worst case scenario, it doesn't happen this time around. We've still got lots of chances in the future. Jeane Dixon is going for it again, with a forecast of somewhere between 2020 and 2037. Way to go on the accuracy, Jeane.

At any rate, if we hang around for another five billion years, the sun's gonna go Big Red. So, we always have that to look forward to.

'til next time... Adios.

Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown

For those of us who love the old Christmas TV classics, here’s a partial list of what’s coming when. You’ll still need to scan your local channels for the actual channel numbers. These are the sittin’ around the fire (real or virtual), eggnog (or hot chocolate or hot cider), snow on the outside, warm (hopefully) on the inside shows and movies I grew up with. Hope you find ‘em and enjoy ‘em.

One cautionary note. Times may change depending on which time zone you’re in. 8 o’clock here might be 7 elsewhere, so check your times carefully.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964) (8 PM, CBS, Tuesday, December 4^th, ) – one of my favorites of the Rankin/Bass productions. Gotta love Yukon Cornelius and the Abominable Snow Monster (Bumble).

Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol (1962) – if you’ve never seen this one, it’s a must-watch. For years they never aired it, and even if you’ve never seen the old Mr. Magoo cartoon, this is a sentimental favorite. And, they did their homework pretty well. Abe Levitow directed a batch of cartoons from 1959 to 1996, including this one. Some great voices went into Magoo, including Jim Backus, Morey Amsterdam, and Jack Cassidy.

Looks like we have to wait 'til December 20th for A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965) on ABC, theoretically at 8 PM. This is my all-time favorite. I even have my very own Charlie Brown Christmas tree at work.

Gotta move fast on this one. How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (1966) is on tomorrow night, November 27th, at 8 PM on ABC. Featuring Boris Karloff as both the Grinch and the narrator, and the wonderful June Foray as the voice of Cindy Lou Who. Ms. Foray is an icon among icons, giving life through her voice to a minimum of 277 cartoon characters, including Rocky J. Squirrel and Natasha of The Bullwinkle Show. And, she's still working.

Supposedly, if I can trust one of my Internet sources, The Grinch will reappear on Monday, December 17th, at 7 PM, if you miss tomorrow night's showing.

For all the Winnie the Pooh fans out there, of which I am one, Winnie the Pooh & Christmas Too (1991) airs on Tuesday, December 4, at 6 PM on ABC Family. Another great voice actor, Jim Cummings, breathes life into the lovable bear.

That's about all the time I have for now. I'll list more classic Christmas classics soon.

'til next time... Adios.

Night and Day

I love checking out foreign horror movies. Like Forrest Gump said, well, sort of said, you never know what you're gonna get.

Night Watch (2004) and Day Watch (2006) are the beginning and ending of a Russian epic/vampire tale.

What's so unique about these films? Mainly, they're different. Different, as well, night and day. Yeah, cliche, I know. Okay, I'll stop trying to be clever. Just tell it.

There are all kinds of vampire stories -- straight-up comedy, horror-comedy, love story, pure horror, and these two. Horror but not slasher. They're a little gritty, and definitely not flashy.

And, we're introduced to a borderline-tragic hero who lives his personal life like one of the old dime novel detectives, occasionally having to get pig's blood on the cheap from a butcher who works both sides of the street.

Yes, these films (I have to speak of them as one, as they're so intricately connected), the creation of Russian director/writer Timur Bekmambetov, bust genres apart, as IMDb lists them as action/fantasy/thriller, but they're leaving out horror, epic battle, and one part love story.

Quoting IMDb again, they describe Bekmambetov's movies as surprising "... the viewers with eerie details, hectic pace, and unusual twists and turns...". I think that's a vast understatement. That's like saying Hitchcock does clever little murder mysteries. No, no. There's a heckuva lot going on there.

Images flash and dance across the screen in a nearly subliminal fashion, leaving my mouth hanging open, Wile E. Coyote-like. Each shot alone is not necessarily eerie or creepy, or frightening, but when they're threaded together the way he does, they're primordially scary and disturbing, without going for the gross-out.

Almost forgot to mention the musical score. He weaves in at times for some of the most potent action sequences a metal rock soundtrack that accelerates everything.

Like other large, epically-supernatural movies, we're given the idea that our world has contained humans and the Others, beings of supernatural abilities, that once fought a world-destroying battle for the fate of All. Two armies, good and evil, led by Zavulon (bad guy) and Geser (good guy), would have destroyed themselves and the world, if not for a truce called by Geser.

The truce sets up two police forces -- Night Watch and Day Watch, made up of Dark and Light Others. Night Watch makes sure the Light Others behave according to the Truce, and Day Watch does the same for the Dark Others. Confused? Yeah, me, too. I watched both movies for my second time the other day, and I'm still hashing them out. But, what I know is I love these films and even if you don't follow them, it's a ride-and-a-half down a screaming dark road at Midnight with Angels and Demons chasing you.

Flash to current day, and our hero, a guy named Anton, makes a deal with an old witch (shoulda known better, Anton). This one little act sets in motion a Rube Goldberg series of events that begins with Anton realizing he's an Other (can't tell you if he's Light or Dark -- you gotta find out for yourself) and ending (?) with the End o' the World (yeah, back to the World Ending thingy again).

Only a couple of places where I'll pick nits. When we get to the second movie, Day Watch, he (Timur) concocts a convenient plot device called The Chalk of Fate. Without that, Really Bad Things Could Happen. To quote Stan Lee, "'nuff said".

Overall, this is an incredible Diabolical Duo of movies, and one of the things I loved was how Bekmambetov connected parts of his own life within the films. For instance, the Light Others go on patrol in what looks like a large yellow furniture-moving truck, with lettering on the side of the vehicle that says they're with the Department of Energy. So happens that Bekmambetov's dad worked for the Guryev Energy Company.

Night/Day Watch has knights of old and knights of young, shape-shifters, witches, sorcerers, vampires, and just all kinds of, well, fun strangeness.

My suggestion -- track down these films, cloister yourself for a few hours with the lights down, and go for it. The fate of just about everything is in your hands.

'til next time... Adios.

Turkey Day!

Actually, I'm cool with lasagna for Thanksgiving, so whatever you like to eat, enjoy.

Got the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on the ol' flat panel.  Actually, it's on nearly every TV in the house, so that way we don't miss anything as we go from room to room.

They've been doing the parade for 86 years.  I still remember Underdog as one of the floats.  I doubt they have him anymore, but they're going to have Kermit the Frog.  Kermie first appeared in the parade in 1977.

Yes, I'm still a big kid at heart.

They just had the cast of Annie performing a few minutes ago.  It's been playing for 35 years!

Oh, cool, just saw the Charlie Brown balloon drifting by -- he's still trying to kick the football.  And, the Rockettes are doing their thing.  They haven't aged a bit.  Flawless as ever.

Here are a few Macy's Day factoids.

It first cranked up back in November 27th, 1924.

The first TV broadcast of the parade was 1948.

And, now, a tip o' the hat to some balloons of the past, retired but not forgotten -- the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz; the Cat in the Hat; and, the Sinclair Oil dinosaur, now extinct.

Signing off for now to finish watching the parade.

'til next time... Adios.

No Waiting

What I like most about this current age of computer technology is how it’s sped things up for us. Once, back in the early days of PC’s, you’d turn it on, hit the bathroom, brew a cup of java, and… maybe it would be booted up by the time you got back.

Then, we got newer, faster computers with more applications that could do more stuff for us. And, while our programs loaded (if they loaded at all) the designers put a friendly little “progress bar” on our screens that snailed their way back and forth, hypnotizing us while we waited again.

But, wait, there’s more. That was the message given us on the ads for the M-tel Slice-o-matic and the Magic Egg Smasher.

TV news promises “More to come…” some time during the day, that if we wait until the 11 o’clock news, all shall be revealed.

Meanwhile, the various not-so-smart phone manufacturers tell us to wait for the new version, the new phone, or wait for our call to go through.

And still the computer companies want us to wait for the latest/greatest operating system, hardware, or whizbang that will connect us all through the Ultranet and give us unlimited knowledge.

If I wait for the next model of a car with the Zypp Onboard Navigation System, it will drive me to my destination, drop me off, and tell me to have a nice day.

Conversely, if I wait too long, I’ll miss my opportunity to get this great sale for THIS ONE DAY ONLY! And, I’ll never ever be able to get the same deal on this 800 bazillion-pixel fourth dimensional wrap-around sound/TV/home theater ever again.

And, if I wait too long I can’t get my phone/TV/music/cable/computer/automated home butler and security system butler all packaged together.

At any rate, my coffee is brewed. Think I’ll grab the pen and paper.

A Made-for-TV Christmas

Pardon me while I wax sentimental here. But, did something happen between, oh, I don’t know, A Christmas Story, or even National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and now? Yes, I know, it’s a rhetorical question. But, how did we get to Holiday in Handcuffs? Or The Twelve Dates of Christmas?

Here’s a brief, brief rundown of Handcuffs. Melissa Joan Hart/kidnapping at gunpoint/weirdly strange family get-together/everyone ends up happy. There was talk of a sequel, but really, how do you top this one?

The Twelve Dates of Christmas has Amy Smart reliving her Christmas Eve date twelve times. Now, there’s an original idea.

Just so you know, there are a blue gazillion of these out there.

Yes, I’ll be the first to admit, I’m an old softie, especially when it comes to Christmas movies and specials (although I do have a special fondness for Billy Bob Thornton’s Bad Santa). I have to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas and Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (the animated one) every year. I’ll listen to Christmas carols on the radio ‘til I’m sick of them (so I have to pace myself by listening to some Pink Floyd or a little jazz). I have some of my favorite lines form It’s a Wonderful Life (My mouth’s bleeding, Bert!) and either the Alistair Sim or the Mister Magoo version of "A Christmas Carol" (God bless us, everyone); then, there’s A White Christmas or the companion movie, Holiday Inn. Yep, love ‘em all. Sitting there with my wife and cats, drinking eggnog (no bourbon, please).

But, now, Hallmark channel and one other have gone all Syfy channel by cranking out any kind of variation of a Christmas-themed movie. There always has to be a crisis that’s solved by either elves, magic, or the Big Guy himself (Santa). Or, just plain old-fashioned hard work. I know, I’m not being fair, as I haven’t watched any of these new films. But, it just has the feeling of them selling a product to me. And, perhaps they’re actually good. But, with titles like Holiday in Handcuffs, well…

For me, as Charlie Brown says in timeless fashion, “Linus is right; I won’t let all this commercialism ruin my Christmas."

‘til next time… Adios.

Brain and brain. What is brain?

Ever wanted to control something with the power of your mind? Sure, who hasn't? I always loved all the sci-fi shows and movies where telekinesis played a part.

Well, a few years ago at the Consumer Electronics Show, a game called Mindflex pegged everyone's meters. Released on the market back in 2009, the game itself is pretty mindless. Players wear a headband that picks up their brain waves. Takes a little practice, but after a while you learn how to turn a fan on or off that controls a ball around a track, Rube Goldberg-style.

That was three years ago. Where's the game now?

My research staff tells me you can get it online at places like Amazon, Target, and Toys"R"Us.

There's also a similar version called Mindball from a Swedish company, Interactive Productline.

Wonder if I can buy one just by thinking about it. Hey, maybe I can mentally move some electrons around to make them think I paid for it, too.

'til next time... Adios.

How Low Can We Go?

We always hear about opening weekends in the millions of dollars. But, how about 1000 dollars? Or 100? Or, even 20? Yep, it’s true.

We have all kinds of stats on top-grossing films. So, how about this? What about the lowest-grossing movies?

Ever heard of Zyzzyx Road?  I hadn't either.  Though it hit theaters in 2006, so it's in recent history; and, featured actors Tom Sizemore and Katherine Heigl (not especially known for A-list performances -- think One for the Money), its all-time gross is 30 bucks.  Not 3,000 or 30,000.

 

30.  As in 30 one dollar bills.  I might even have that much on me at the moment.  This came from a total of six people.  Yep.

 

One problem (among oh so many) was that they didn’t distribute it. Y’know, it’s like playing the lottery. You won’t make money if you don’t play. ‘Course, perhaps they knew when they finished that they didn’t have the winning ticket.

 

I'm working up a list of other films that also rank among the rankest of the rank, as far as box office returns.  Stay tuned.

 

Wonder how I can get a copy of Zyzzyx Road?  And, how the heck do I pronounce it?

 

'til next time... Adios.

He Died How?

I’d forgotten how much I love the 1960’s comedies. We just watched What a Way to Go! (1964), one of those zany (yes, I actually used the word ‘zany’) movies with a whole batch of great star-power back in the day. Shirley MacLaine plays Louisa May Foster (got to love that name), small-town girl who tells the story in a series of flashbacks to psychiatrist Dr. Victor Stephanson (Bob Cummings – anyone remember him?), who’s doing the whole 1960’s-Freud-thing, complete with couch. No goatee or fake German accent, though.

Anyway, she’s talking to the Doc because everyone thinks she’s completely gone south as she wants to give away this humongous amount of money, I think it was 215 million. Now, that’s a lot of green stuff nowadays, but especially back then. So, she relates the stories of she came to this amount of money through the premature and extremely ironic, yet hysterical, demise of each of her four husbands.

The not-so-subtle message was that, if you follow a simple, Thoreau-like existence, you will live long and prosper (although not necessarily financially). If, however, you go the monetarily-successful route, you’d best be making out a will. As I hope Dick Van Dyke (Edgar – husband #1), Paul Newman (Larry -- #2), Gene Kelley (Pinky. Yes, Pinky. Not kidding. #3), and Robert Mitchum (Rod – #4) did, prior to their big chills.

So, what were they saying to us, the audience? This was 1964, the end of the Beat Era, but the next counterculture wave was just firing up. On the one hand, three of the husbands did what they wanted, purely, not worrying about money, career. In that sense, they seemed to poke fun lightheartedly at the Youth Rebellion, as it was once termed. But, then again, once they sold out and became uber-successful, driven, mega-millionaires, well, that didn’t work out well for them, either. Louisa did alright, though.

Directed by J. Lee Thompson, he directed films over a span of 39 years, ranging from comedies such as this one and 1965’s John Goldfarb, Please Come Home! (another farcical comedy) to The Guns of Navarone (1961) – a great WWII movie and The Evil That Men Do (1984), a Charles Bronson thriller.

It was fun to see that collection of old-schoolers together and young again, and just having a great time in a rambunctious 60’s fun-fest. Not necessarily one to own, but certainly deserving a watch or two. Check it out.

'til next time... Adios.

No Laughing Matter, continued

Such a sad character Conrad Veidt portrayed, despite his (the character's) severe facial deformity. Mr. Veidt continued to amaze me, scene-to-scene, with his ability to give us so much of what was going on within him. The crowds who gathered to see him laughed, but we, the film-watchers, saw so much emotional pain at times. But, then, when he truly was happy, or content, we saw that, too. Conrad Veidt was an actor of rare and powerful talent.

Just a couple of more bits of trivia before I close.

Our old friend, German Expressionist Paul Leni, directed The Man Who Laughs. Mr. Leni directed two other early classics of horror/mystery, Waxworks (1924), and The Cat and the Canary (1927).

The Man Who Laughs is based on Victor Hugo's novel of the same title, but from what I understand (I haven't read the book), the movie ends a little differently from the novel. Can't say anything more -- spoiler alert.

Originally, Lon Chaney, Sr., was slated to play Gwynplaine, but contractual obligations prevented him from doing so. Probably a good thing, as Mr. Chaney already was in the habit of abusing his body enough for various roles. As it was, Conrad Veidt wore specially-designed dentures with metal hooks to produce the permanent grin. Man, talk about suffering for you art!

The Joker, the main arch-villain of Batman, was inspired by Gwynplaine. At least the permanent smile was. Otherwise, any similarities between The Joker and Gwynplaine parted company severely.

Well, that's about it for now.

'til next time... Adios.

A Storm By Any Other Name

Okay, so what happened? How the heck did we get left out of the event-naming phenomenon courtesy of our friends at The Weather Channel?

East Coast just got through with Hurricane Sandy, which evolved (or, rather, devolved) into Tropical Storm Sandy (although it might have lost its name status when it became a tropical storm), and then, and ya gotta love this, it became Superstorm Sandy. So, first of all, what's the difference between a regular storm, or a tropical storm, and a superstorm? Does it have a cape?

Then, we had Winter Storm Athena (got to make sure we capitalize the words 'Winter' and 'Storm') and Winter Storm Brutus.

So, we just had a 4.3-magnitude quake here in Kentucky and it doesn't have a name yet. What gives? I mean, come on! It rattled seven states. Seven states! Doesn't that count for anything?

At any rate, I feel it warrants a letter to The Weather Channel (cordial, of course) with a few name suggestions. Here they are:

Earthquake Clay -- in honor of a couple of our notable past politicians.

Earthquake Jacob -- good ol' Biblical name.

Earthquake Hamilton -- going back to a good, solid presidential name.

Or, let's jazz things up a little. Since we can have a Superstorm, how about something more dramatic, like:

Building Pulverizer Xena.

And, why stop with just winter storms? Let's keep it going, with F4 Tornado Tess, Windstorm Adam, Rain Event Frederick. Just not sure if anyone would want their name associated with a Drizzle, though.

'til next time... Adios.

Super-heroes in Tights

Just a couple of thoughts about the evolution of Superman, otherwise known as The Big Blue Boy Scout, over the years.  He's always been one of my favorite super-heroes, right up there with Batman (although it could be argued that The Bat isn't a super-hero).  But, Supes' powers have gone up and down since his origin.

 

He started out where he could stop a bullet, but probably not a mortar shell. He could run faster than a freight train, and do the whole “… leap tall buildings…” thing, but he couldn’t fly. Then, later, he could fly. But, now he’s allergic to kryptonite (must be bad, being allergic to a chunk of your home planet).

At one time, he could move planets and fly through time.  Then, he couldn’t.

 

Oh, yeah, he's also been dead, then came back with Fabio hair.  Wonder what's next?

 

That's all I've got for now.  'til next time... Adios.

Like Father, Like Son?

It's just amazing what hits the cutting room floor of some movies.  Take a look at this from one of the Star Wars films:

“Luke… I am your father.”

“Noooo! It can’t be true!.... Well, then, Dad, can I borrow the keys to the family spaceship?”

“What? No… You don’t get it. We’re going to rule the galaxy together.”

“Rule the galaxy? You never even played catch with me.”

“Uh, sorry, son, I was busy, with… work. Yes, that’s it. Work.”

“Sure, keep talking, old man. I know what kind of work.”

“No, really, I was. I was trying to find you and your sister.”

“Yeah, yeah. Oh, and hey, my sister’s pretty hot and all, and I don’t think she knows she’s my sister, so, I was thinking…”

“What? Whoa! Luke, now, that’s just weird. She’s your sister, for Yoda’s sake.”

“That’s weird? Hey, look who’s talking, Mr. All-Dressed-in-Black. And, that helmet. I mean, come on, Dad. And, besides, you tried to kill us.”

“Oh, yeah…. Um, about that. You know, things were really weird back then with the Emperor and all. And, what’s wrong with my helmet?”

“It looks stupid. If I move back in with you, I can’t have any friends over, not with you looking like that and all. And, this thing with the Emperor. You and he aren’t, I mean, you’re not, uh…?”

“What? Whoa! No way, I mean, no, I’m not gay, and even if I was, it sure wouldn’t be with him. Oh, gross, son, he’s all wrinkly and ugly, and, well, he’s got that laugh. I hate that laugh.”

“Okay, so, can I move in, then, Dad?”

“Well, okay, I guess that would be okay. But, you’re going to have to get a job.”

“Hey, I’m a Jedi!”

“Huh! Like that pays the bills. Let me tell you…”

“Uh, Dad, can it wait? I’ve sort of got this problem here. I mean, you did just cut off my hand.”

“Oh, sure, sorry, son. Let’s get you patched up.”

“And, we’re gonna have to work on your outfit, Dad. The black’s cool, but the helmet, I don’t know. And the cape? Gotta go. Oh, and can I have a party tonight?”

“Aw, jeez…”

No Laughing Matter

What to say of The Man Who Laughs (1928)? I suppose I wasn’t eager to watch it at first. Wasn’t really sure how disfigured he (Conrad Veidt’s character, Gwynplaine) would be. It just didn’t fit my idea of a horror film. And, even though what I now consider a horror film has expanded since our band of horror warrior first united over four years ago, I need to refine and redefine it further.

I don’t necessarily want to harp on many current so-called horror movies. Several of these I would term splatter or gross-out films.  But, there are some fine modern horror movies out there, and not just from the U.S. But, what we once thought of as a horror film has changed.

One possible definition of horror is 'repulsive'. So, In The Man Who Laughs, Gwynplaine’s disfigured face might be considered repulsive or horrifying to some, although most often in the film the reaction of the other characters was laughter. For myself, the horrifying part of the film concerned that which was done to Gwynplaine.

Okay, enough philosophizing.

When The Man Who Laughs came out we were closing in on the tail end of the German Expressionist era. The film hit theaters during the transition from silent films to “talkies”, and the first feature-length talkie (The Jazz Singer) was released just six months earlier. The Man Who Laughs had sound effects and music, but no dialogue. And, I think, it’s perfect the way it is. I’m not so sure that it wouldn’t have taken something away by having the actors speak.

I felt great sympathy for Gwynplaine. The story begins with Gwynplaine as a small boy, the prince, a victim of political betrayal and maneuverings he had no part in. Surgically disfigured with a permanent grin, rather than horrified, tears stung my eyes as I watched him in his early years, an outcast, trying to survive. Then we see his gentle nature as he rescues an orphan girl. This is no monster. He is the victim. Those who did this to him are the monsters.

Our story picks up years later. Gwynplaine and Dea, the girl he saved (who is blind), have an adopted father who loves them. All perform in the old man’s travelling circus, where Gwynplaine is accepted among the other performers.

I loved this movie, primarily due to Conrad Veidt’s ability to show so much emotion with only his eyes. And, then, the storyline, too, was wonderfully interwoven. I read that the ending of the movie differs from that of Victor Hugo’s book, but I enjoyed the film so much I’m not sure I’ll read the book. This is a genre-less movie, primarily because the story encompasses everything from adventure to melodrama, political intrigue to love story. And, we have a truly memorable character in Gwynplaine.

Ah, I have so much more to tell of this great film, but I've run out of time for the evening.  I shall pick back up tomorrow.

 

'til next time... Adios.

Duck and... What?

Taking a blast back to the past, and recalling an old motto from the early Atomic Daze, how's about the term "Duck and Cover"?  Anyone remember that one?  Referring to what we're supposed to do if we see one of those Red Balloons, to borrow from an 80's song by Nina.  The Big One.  Mushroom Cloud.

Got to thinking about it in honor of this being 2012 and all, and there won't be a 3013, according to the Mayans.  Ah, those pranksters.  They never told us they just ran out of paper for the calendar.  Oh, well.

So, how many different disasters, real and imagined, have we had to “duck and cover” or “stop, drop, and roll” to over the years? Right now we have the Great Central U.S. ShakeOut, in preparation for the Shake and Quake that’s supposed to happen here smack dab in the middle of the good ol’ US, thanks to the New Madrid Fault. And, the motto for this one is “drop, cover, and hold on”. So, now I’m all confused. Now I have to remember which one of the disasters it is we’re having. For an atomic attack when they deliver some ordinance to us, we do the “duck and cover”. But, if there’s a fire I have to “stop, drop, and roll”.

Okay, so what happens if I get mixed up, and there’s a fire, but I’m thinking it’s an atomic attack. And all I remember is something about ducking and stopping. Or maybe I stop and duck. What then? Or, say I get really confused and I remember it as “step on a duck” and there aren’t any ducks handy. And, besides, I don’t want to step on any ducks, anyway. No, I can most assuredly say that I will not step on any ducks.

So, there I am. No ducks around to step on and I’m not gonna step on them, anyway.

We’ve got nuclear blasts, fire, and earthquakes covered, but what about the others? You know, like tornadoes, floods, lava flows, Beanie Baby attacks, fire sales, Black Friday, Red Thursday, and whatever other Big Bad Things head our way.

 

At any rate, I think we should all just "Party Like It's 1999", referring to that 80's song by the musician with no name.

 

'til next time... Adios.

Attack of the Clowns

Here's a little review I did a few years back.  Actually, more of a parody of Star Wars II:

Once upon a time there was an angry young man named Mannequin Starstomper
Mannequin had a lot of little critters inside him called Mighty-Chlorines.
These little critters made him very strong in the Farce. His wise and noble
teacher, Ooby-Dooby Kenooby, who was a powerful Popeye warrior, instructed
him in the ways of the Farce, He also told him, "Now, pay attention, my
young Paddywack learner," and showed him how to use the Farce to make fruit
float in the air.

Now, this young man was in love with a senator named Rama-lama. Rama-lama
loved him, too, but because of some bad directing from a very powerful yet
misguided Popeye warrior by the name of Forge Tookus, they were unable to
express their love for one another.

This made the young Mannequin very angry and he had a tantrum. Then he
found out that his Mom was kidnapped by Toucan Raiders and he went to rescue
her, but she died just as he freed her, and then he was REALLY angry because
she got out of the movie but he had to stay in it.

So, young Mannequin went Neanderthal and did a Vega-matic on the Toucan
village. That was the Dark side of the Farce at work.

Well, actually, he didn't stay with the Dark side very long, but he couldn't
quite go back to the Light side, either, so he was just kind of hanging out
in the Tan side of the Farce.

Now, while Rama-lama and Mannequin were trying not to get their
Mighty-Chlorines mixed up with their hormones, Ooby-Dooby Kenooby was
tracking down a bounty hunter named Bo Jangles Fett. Bo Jangles was having
clowns made of himself. These clowns were being bought and paid for with
government money by the strange and mysterious Count Dracula, except he
didn't have his fangs anymore as he had become very old. All he could do
was shuffle his feet across the carpet and shock people.

So, anyway, Count Dracula, who is actually a student of a really nasty dark
lord named Barf Ridiculous, is going to fight the Popeye warriors with his
clowns. But, a very powerful and tiny Popeye named Yodel, takes control of
the clowns and Count Dracula has to fight with a bunch of leftover Druids
from the last movie. Lots of body parts got cut off, but there was no
blood, as this is a PG movie (which means Pretty Good, but I think something
bad happened.).

Count Dracula runs away and Ooby-Dooby and Mannequin chase after him and get
in a fight with the evil Count Dracula. Count Dracula beats them up and
cuts off Mannequin's arm, but there's still no blood. Then, Yodel walks in
and says, "Draw, you will, evil Count Dracula," and Yodel proceeds to get
all John Wayne and everything, and we find out that Count Dracula was once
Yodel's Paddywack learner.

So, then, Yodel turns into a little green Tasmanian devil and he and Count
Dracula use their flashlights against each other, but Count Dracula escapes
because in order to kill a vampire you really need to use a wooden stake.
But, that's okay, because young Mannequin and Rama-lama get hitched after
Mannequin gets a new hand and everyone made a lot of money using the Farce,
especially Forge Tookus.

The End. Kind of.

'til next time... Adios.  And, may the Farce be with you.

People Munchies

I suppose this must be people-munchie day on SyFy. Just had a movie called Beyond Loch Ness (2008) with characters named Zoe, Chad, and Brody. Oh, and the scientists in the film don't even get their own names. They're just called Scientist #1 and Scientist #2. Had a lot of CGI little Nessies and Big Bad Momma Nessies graphically chewing on folks.

Next up we have Snakehead Terror (2004) where a bunch of snakeheaded mutated fish (get it? That's where the title comes from) are also munching on us. Must also be where aging TV actors go, as Bruce Boxleitner (remember Bruce from The Scarecrow and Mrs. King, also Tron?) plays a Sheriff (there always seems to be a Sheriff or other type of Constable in these things) and William B. Davis (affectionately known as "Cancer Man" from the X-Files days) is ol' Doc Jenkins.

Later they had one of my personal favorites for wallpaper (sound down, stereo up), Dinocroc vs. Supergator. One thing's for sure. You sure don't want to be a sheriff in a small lakeside town. Lots of giant critters waitin' to eat you. Oh, and don't be in a tour group, especially if you're wearing Bermuda shorts. Those things are real style Nazis. Also, I had no idea that supergators gallop, just like horses. How about that?

Then came Lake Placid 2 -- a giant croc this time, no pun intended. Well, okay, maybe it was just a little bit intentional. John Schneider and Cloris Leachman go mano a croc-o with killer reptiles. Buckets o' blood and body parts. One thing I noticed, scanning through the cast and crew list, was Ivan Salnikov as the weapons guy for the film. Now, how cool would that be? The go-to person for weapons. Ivan could say, "Well, I think we need some electronic pulse cannons for this scene", and who would question him. Doesn't matter if they exist or not. This is sci-fi. You make 'em. And, just as I'm writing this, looks like Ivan concocted a giant pneumatic harpoon gun. Does one exist for real? Don't know, but it sure looks like fun.

Okay, enough of that. On to what's next. Coming up there's Lake Placid 3 (sure, why not?) with a lakeside cabin, a game warden this time (must be running out of sheriffs), and more crocs.

And, after that, there's Lake Placid: The Final Chapter. We got a new sheriff (game warden must've been eaten in #3), a poacher, and more crocs.

Well, that's about all I can stand for the day.

'til next time... Adios.

That’s Fronkensteen!

Of all the Mel Brooks movies I’ve seen, Young Frankenstein and Blazing Saddles are two of his best, and funniest. Last night our band of film fans saw Young Frankenstein on the big screen, and, for many of us it was the first time since it first came to life 38 years ago.

Yes, 38 years ago. Hard to imagine, but when I realize that several of the actors are no longer alive, and I see in the mirror that, yes indeedy, I’ve changed a little (okay, a lot), then I know it’s true. So, it was an extra special treat to see these actors re-animating such famous characters.

Since we just saw the 1931 Frankenstein and the 1935 Bride of Frankenstein last week, the storylines were quite familiar, and it was wonderful to watch how closely Young Frankenstein (“That’s Fronkensteen”) mirrored both films, blending the best of both into one of the best comedy-horror-musicals I’ve seen.

From Gene Wilder’s static-charged hair (which grew wilder – pun intended -- as the good doctor became increasingly manic) to his superbly over-the-top comic madnesses ("GIVE MY CREATION... LIFE!"), this Young Frankenstein captured the spirit of the originals.  Mr. Wilder seemed to channel all the mad scientists that ever graced the screen.

And, then, look at the firepower of the cast and crew – Mel Brooks at the helm, directing; Mel and Gene Wilder co-wrote the screenplay; Peter Boyle as the Creature (and, what he could do just with a roll of his eyes, comic genius); Cloris Leachman as Frau Blücher, whose mere mention of her name frightened the horses; Gene Hackman as the old blind man in the cabin; and, let’s not forget Marty Feldman as Igor (“That’s Eye-gor.”). The comic timing of everyone, the sets, and that sad-funny music, all blended to make a great tip-o-the-hat to all who went before.

What one thing can I say about Young Frankenstein? Peter Boyle. For everyone else’s terrific performances, Peter Boyle’s brought me the most smiles and laughs, and even a bit of strange sadness as the Creature, creating a great tragi-comic performance.

 

Hopefully, there will never be a remake.  I want to remember this one.  It's perfect as it is.

 

'til next time... Adios.