That's All, Folks

Ya gotta love those crazy Mayans and their wacky calendars. Well, it seems that a new Mayan text has “… emerged” with some updates on this whole End o’ the World thing. First off, how did this so-called Mayan text just ‘emerge’? Man, talk about slow cell phone service. Ol’ Knick-Knack Paddywhack (for folks not up on this Mayan stuff, my highly-medicated research staff tells me that’s the name of their Head Honcho in charge of Calendar Making) just upgraded his service, sent a text to his bank that the expected date of when he’d pay off his mortgage on his new condo pyramid would be December 21, 2012. Supposedly, he said something like, “Oh, yeah? Well, you just try and move us out of there. We do human sacrifices, plus, we’ve got hot oil. And, yeah, we’ll pay off that stupid balloon mortgage. On December 21, 2012! Yeah, that’s it! That’s the date! December 21, 2012, or the end of the world! How do ya like that?

Yup, ol’ Mr. Paddywhack had quite a temper on him.

But, now, let's say you're all set for the Big Day, and it doesn't come? Hey, buck up, there, Sunshine. It's not like it's (bad pun alert!) the end of the world. You think other Last Day forecasts haven't come and gone before? Here's a coupla examples of Final Forecasts that never came to pass.

Gregory of Tours (wonder if he was a travel agent?) way back when hedged his bets by predicting the Big Finish between 799 and 806 A. D. And, he still got it wrong.

Preacher Harriet Livermore forecast the Grand Finale for 1843, then tried again for 1847. Sorry, Harriet, wrong both times.

Sheldon Nidle used his psychic powers and foresaw the Final Curtain on December 17th, 1996, due to angels and spaceships. Man, that one shoulda happened. Not just angels, but spaceships, too.

And, let's just say, worst case scenario, it doesn't happen this time around. We've still got lots of chances in the future. Jeane Dixon is going for it again, with a forecast of somewhere between 2020 and 2037. Way to go on the accuracy, Jeane.

At any rate, if we hang around for another five billion years, the sun's gonna go Big Red. So, we always have that to look forward to.

'til next time... Adios.