Master of Disaster

It's 2012, folks, and we all know what that means. Yep, Mayan Calendar End o' the World Time. So, let's all get ready and make sure we're prepared. And, the best way to do that is to watch 2012, the disaster movie fanatic's disaster movie.

2012 has the recipe for survival. Plus, we have chasm-jumping stretch limos, lots of stuff blowing up, and tidal waves.

BIG tidal waves.

As each disaster movie has its required cast of characters, so does 2012. We have:

The Total Whack Job That No One Believes.

Player brilliantly by Woody Harrelson, he’s the Harry Truman of this movie. Remember Harry Truman? Mt. St. Helens? He’s the guy who wasn’t going to leave his mountain. And didn’t. Harrelson’s character runs a pirate radio station warning of the End Days, broadcasting to anyone who will listen about how the government’s been hiding information from us (in order to protect us from ourselves). He’s the benevolent guiding spirit for:

The Prophet.

John Cusack is his usual reliable self, playing The Writer whose books about the End Days talk about how we all have to work together, etc., to overcome the crises we will face. He’s the Distracted Yet Good Father Who Still Has a Civil Relationship With His Ex-Wife But Doesn’t Really Like Her New Boyfriend.

The Nice Boyfriend.

Nice guy, but, yeah, he’s gotta go. Hey, they already prophesied that he’s got to leave when he and The Prophet’s Ex-Wife are standing in the supermarket. They’re talking about “something coming between them” or words to that effect. When, wouldn’t you know it, there goes good ol’ San Andreas cracking the floor between them. Hmmm….

The Wealthy Russian With the Bratty Kids Who the Prophet Works For.

Oh, yeah, he’s got a good-looking girlfriend with fake mammaries courtesy of The Nice Boyfriend, who’s a plastic surgeon for the uber-wealthy. The Russian spent a billion buckaroos to buy a plane to fly them the heck outta there.

Well, there's the main players.  And, this one, like all disaster flicks, has its Required Quotes.  Examples of these are:

“…the world as we know it will come to an end.” Well, yeah, it sort of has to be “…as we know it…”. What else is it gonna be? The world as we don’t know it? C’mon!

“That’s never happened before.”

“Until now.”

So, watch 2012 sometime before December 21, 2012, and you'll be good to go.  Just make sure you hang out with John Cusack.  Or, at least, have access to a stretch limo.