Premakes and Sequels

So, what’s the latest batch that Hollywood is sending our way? Let’s take a quick look, shall we?

Big talk right now is the remake of Total Recall with our favorite bad boy from Ireland, Colin Farrell. Maybe this one will finally explain to me if Quaid was really a bad guy before he forgot/remembered who he was? Just read one review, and it would seem they’ve made a mediocre remake of a mediocre movie. Haven’t seen it myself yet, so I can’t judge. But, I was hoping Farrell could stand out as much as he did when he played Jerry the vampire in the Fright Night remake last year. Now, that was a fun remake. As another friend of mine said about Farrell, he was “… Dracula with a swagger.”

Independence Day 3 – I didn’t even know they were working on ID2. Perhaps they’re just thinking really far ahead. What? Are the alien ships going to be Earth-sized next? And, who’s going to play the Randy Quaid character? He's the perfect B movie buffoon/drunk/hero. Wait, I wonder what Woody Harrelson’s up to? Loved him in Zombieland and 2012. But, at least they knew they were making B movies with those two films. I honestly think the filmmakers believe they’re making serious sci-fi/action fare with the Independence Day franchise. Guys, just because you make the alien ship city-size and stage Star Wars-style dogfights doesn’t mean you’re making a good movie.

For the newest generation who’ve never seen Barbarella, there’s talk of a possible remake. Can you hear me doing my Addams Family Lurch groan? Just can’t see it, folks. The first (and only) Barbarella had that ideal combination of late 60’s/early 70’s camp and psychedelic science fiction/fantasy. Say, “Cheese”!

Say it isn’t so! They’re remaking The Birds! Is nothing sacred? No, I already know the answer to that. Well, at least Hitch isn’t alive to see it.

Imagine this. At some point the movie remake/sequel/prequel/premake machine shall obtain escape velocity. It will then no longer be necessary to make new movies. They can keep remaking and prequelling/sequelling every few years until we’re watching Rocky 45 and Terminator 99. Then throw in a few more Alien vs. Predator and Freddie vs. Jason redo's. Hey, how about they clone Rocky and we could watch Rocky vs. Rambo? And, how long’s it been since we’ve had a King Kong vs. Godzilla. About time for a new one, don’tcha think?

But, wait, we haven’t had any super-spy mergers yet (that I’m aware of). Much as I like Bond and Bourne, I’m sure there will be a James Bond Meets Jason Bourne at some point.