What Happened to the Other Eight Plans?

Ed Wood was a man who dressed up as a woman
And he made some really bad flicks
He really liked to wear sweaters sort of woolen
While Plan 9 was financed by some clerics

(Sorry, Paul. Sorry, John.)

I’ve lost count on how many times I’ve seen Plan 9 from Outer Space, and I think I’ve finally decided to stop trying to figure out why it works. And it either works for you or it doesn’t. For me and our Band of Scoobies last night at the Classic Horror Film Club at the Tates Creek Library, it definitely works, as we hooted and hollered, and shouted “Stock footage!” every time we saw that same shot Ed used numerous times of a prop passenger plane, a radar dish, exterior shots of police cars, and the Pentagon.

Ed, perhaps while he was alive, and certainly after he checked out, bore the title of “Worst Director of All Time” from several sources, although I swear I’ve seen some truly awful films where the director was worse than Ed. He was, however the creator of movies that are outrageously unintentionally funny. And, that’s something, because comedy is hard. As many of you know out there, plenty of comedies get churned out that are just plain not funny. And, where Ed missed his target of creating works of greatness by one standard, by another set of rules he achieved greatness.

Okay, enough philosophizing. On with the show. What’s it all about, anyway? Well, as the Ruler puts it (the supreme high alien), "Plan 9? Ah, yes. Plan 9 deals with the resurrection of the dead. Long distance electrodes shot into the pineal and pituitary gland of the recently dead." Oh, yeah, that's what I was thinking. I've just always wondered what happened to the other 8 plans?

Starting with Criswell, world-famous TV and newspaper psychic, telling us that "We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives." to cardboard tombstones that wobble when someone bumped into them. From silver-painted paper plate UFOs to Tor Johnson getting stuck trying to climb out of the "grave" (that looked like it was well carpeted). From great lines such as "The saucers are up there. The graveyard is out there. But I'll be locked up safely in there." to Bela Lugosi raised from the dead.

Yep, Mr. Lugosi died three years prior to the release of Plan 9. What few scenes we see with Bela come from an earlier film that Ed worked on that never came to pass. So, Ed, the master of stock footage and re-using old shots he took, simply "recast" Bela. Then, later, when he needed Bela for a scene again, if he didn't have any footage, he substituted Tom Mason (who was Ed's wife's chiropractor) for Bela.

Plan 9 is one of those rare, schlocky gems that is so bad it's a riot. If you've never seen it, download it, buy it, whatever you need to do to get it. It's more fun than a barrel of ghouls.

 

'til next time... Adios.